... IRREVERENCE, INSTITUTIONALIZED ...

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Who's Hot at the State House?

Taking advantage of our fomenting multitude of male and female staffers, FITS proudly presents the inaugural installment of “Who’s Hot at the State House?” Wanna know who to devote your eyeball to once session’s back in full swing? You have come to the right place. And while we regret to inform the residents of Dorchestor County that favorite daughter Rep. Annette Young (pictured) did not make either list, we at FITS have nonetheless gone to unprecedented lengths to give you the Top 10 Guys and Gals to check out once the bell tolls for the 2006 Legislative Session:

Guys

1. Luke Rankin – Senator, Myrtle Beach

The bricks beneath your feet will likely give you more in the way of intelligent conversation, but Spankin’ is so, so, so (did we say so?) easy on the eyes. Enough about Santee Cooper, Lookie Poo, come sit on our lap and let mommy show you all about ‘good touch, bad touch.’ Without question the single hottest man in the state, let alone state government.

2. Michael Gunn – Lobbyist, Forge Consulting

The best-dressed man in the State House lobby, hands down. Whoever color codes this guy’s wardrobe is a genius and daily trips to the gym have him toned up beyond polite description. Plus, the boy has a slick tongue and an expense account a mile wide to match. Watch out, ladies, there’s something in this one’s eye.

3. Jim Merrill – House Majority Leader, Charleston

Tall and well-built. Relaxed and self-confident. Plus he has the best smile in either chamber. What’s not to like? Our little Jimmy is like Atticus Finch, but we’re pretty sure there are some stallions raring to go underneath that self-deprecating charm. Makes you want to stand up and sing the ‘80’s classic “Let’s Hear It For the Boy!”

4. Larry Marchant – Lobbyist, Palmetto Policy Group

Rivals Michael Gunn for the best-dressed award. Also in amazing shape. Oozes sex appeal, too, without even really trying. Best of all he seems to look better with age, as those pepper-gray locks are always just enough off-kilter or windblown to make us girls swoon, especially when accompanied by his inimitable accent. “Hey Bo!” Indeed.

5. Mark Sanford – Governor, State of South Carolina

A little dorky but an irrepressibly hot tan and he’s in solid shape to boot. Plus, he’s the governor. And he windsurfs. And he has a house on Sullivans Island. Hello! His folksy drawl and Lowcountry plantation don’t hurt him, either, but a word of caution ladies: Word is Jenny doesn’t like to share! I sure as heck won’t cross her!!!!

6. Bobby Harrell – Speaker of the House, Charleston

Nobody wears his power with more sex appeal than Bobby. Never ostentatious but never subtle, either, he carries it with the class, charm and charisma of a seasoned veteran. Those jet black locks and red power ties (always under neatly-pressed button-down shirts) just make you want to loosen that top knot ever so slightly and find a way to keep his mind off all those pesky little power struggles.

7. John Frank – Reporter, Post and Courier

Such a perfectly adorable, sweet-faced baby boy. Just 24 years old and already a seasoned vet at two major daily newspapers, Frank’s ever-flopping hair makes you want to give it a little tussle and see where that takes you. Frank won’t ever make the best-dressed list but he always looks comfortable in what he’s wearing. Plus he’s got great eyes.

8. Otis Rawl – Lobbyist, SC Chamber of Commerce

Oh, Oh, Otie. Can we have another bear hug please? This tall teddy bear of a man can pull off a peach tie and seersucker suit with more style than 90% of the guys half his age. Otie, a down comforter, some vintage red wine and a fireplace are the perfect remedy for those cold, early-January nights.

9. Jim Ritchie – Senator, Spartanburg

I’m getting a little faint just thinking about it – last session I ended up interviewing Ritchie for a news story and had to do the voiceover three times because he got me so flustered. I have NEVER been so close to asking a married man out on a date! Reserved, respected and ridiculously hot, he’s the Jim Merrill of the Senate. Classy and understated.

10. Rick Quinn – Candidate for Treasurer

Remember when the joke was that Rick would be cute if lost about 50 pounds? Well he’s lost the weight but not the blond locks, rosy complexion and adorable eyes that got us going in the first place. Smoke-free, eating right and reportedly on an intense workout regimen, you can be our Treasurer any day, Rickie Poo!

GALS

1. Katie Dunning - Lobbyist, Palmetto Policy Group

Holy guacamole. At twenty-two, Katie does have the advantage of youth but let there be no doubt, this girl is making the most of it. From head to toe there is literally not a damn thing wrong with Miss Dunning (FITS crack staff has checked just to be sure) and her wardrobe and accessories are always impeccably selected and coordinated. There’s a good reason heads turn every time this black-haired vixen strolls into the State House – she’s easily the hottest gal there!

2. Peggy Boykin – Director, State Retirement System

You may not always understand what she’s talking about with all that “inverse annual accrued” accountant stuff, but Lord have mercy there is perfection in this woman’s singularly well-endowed form. How old is Peggy? Who cares! Delicious “FMN” shoe and short skirt combinations also reveal the best set of legs in the Southeast. Girls half her age wish they looked this good.

3. Nikki Haley – State Representative, Lexington

Smart. Sexy. Strong-willed. Nikki’s political stock isn’t the only thing about her that’s on its way up. When she dons her signature pink button-up Jackie O suit at the State House, take care not to walk into a column while you’re gawking. Nikki does own her own clothing store, so she’s got a bit of a leg up on the competition in that regard, but we think you’ll agree it’s one helluva leg. In fact, we think you’ll find both legs appealing.

4. Adrienne Huffman – Lobbyist, Capital Consultants

Someone needs to pass a law that requires “I’m Your Venus” to be played every time this tall drink of water ascends the stairs to the second floor lobby. She is literally the “goddess on the mountaintop, burning like a silver flame.” Bold colors, a full-figure and bright blonde hair will draw your eye immediately, where you would be wise to keep it while Senators and Representatives babble on about this or that.

5. Lindsey Bonds – Lobbyist, Fred Allen & Associates

Hummina, hummina, hummina. Aye-eye-yie yarreeba!!!! This girl walks down the street like she owns the place, and judging from the glances coming faster than stealth missiles in her wake, that assessment is accurate. Miss Bonds is built like a brick barnyard, not like Sir Mix-A-Lot’s built for comfort models, but you’ll still be singing “I’m hooked an I can’t stop starin’” regardless.

6. Clara Smith – Lobbyist, Mike Daniel & Associates

Elegance is still a virtue, girls. Take note of Mrs. Smith, whose bubbly effervescence and sweet demure exterior our male FITS staffers continue to pray is really hiding the girl from the Billy Idol video. One of those rare forms that simultaneously pulls off “cute” and “hot,” Clara has the added benefit of possessing the prettiest smile of all the State House ladies, too.

7. Sara Hopper – Lobbyist

How is this girl still single? Hop on over, boys. You’re missing the boat. Sweet, smart and self-assured, Sara has also made dramatic dress upgrades over the past two years. Previously a fan of “boxy” suits that disguised the full bevy of bodaciousness God gave her, of late she’s been a tad more inviting in her selections. Take a look, fellas. And holla back.

8. Lauren Eaves – SC House of Representatives

Never been to the bill room on the first floor of the South Carolina State House? Now you have a reason to go. Her name is Laurin Eaves and just because you don’t know her name now doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make the trip. Flowing brown hair and one of the most naturally-beautiful faces God has ever created make Eaves (at 23) a potential long-term rival to our No. 1 Miss Dunning for State House supremacy.

9. The Jennifers

Our original number nine has been replaced by a combination of Jennifer Sparks, Jenny Pressley and Jenny Worthington - all STRONG VR (which stands for "Visual Relief") ...

10. Gloria Haskins – State Representative, Greenville

Classy. Remarkably sexy dresser. And, oh by the way, she is way out of your league. Plus her boys Brian and David would beat you into a living pulp if you so much as look at her in a manner that displeases them. Still, one of the more gorgeous women you’ll ever get a chance to look at in your lifetime.

Wait a minute, where's Will Folks on this list? Oh that's right ... WE ARE WILL FOLKS.

44 Comments:

Blogger Laurin Manning said...

Vincent Sheheen?? Hello?? Todd Rutherford in the convertible?? Scott Talley?? James Smith, sans buzz cut??

A girl couldn't have made this list.

7:07 PM

 
Blogger HabberPlabb said...

Dearest FITS: love the post! Since I am new to the world of blogging and don't have near the creativity and insight into the political world that you do, I am going to piggy back off of your idea and do the 10 Most Despicable People at the Statehouse. Next time, original posts, I promise. Your last two posts have been most enjoyable- keep ‘em coming.

7:31 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Sheheen? OK I'll give you him. Rutherford? Not a chance. James Smith? Are you kidding? Since when did "sounds like Opie Cunningham but looks like Barney Fife" equal hot? Come on girlfriend, our honorable mentions go to Chip Campsen, Darrell Jackson and Nikki Setzler long before any of your beaus.

But P.S., one of our male staffers is dying to put you on our list!!!

8:22 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What happened to Andre "Jeff Gordon" Bauer? The dude even has a $10,000 handcrafted bed in his house. And how about Tommy Windsor now that he's using hair gel and laying off the e-mails?

8:36 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No we KNOW this is Will Folks. Most of these women are on his list of "conquests"

8:55 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know how you could leave off Rebecca Dulin!!! You've got to be insane. Sure, we don't see her around the Statehouse much, she's too busy with her Congressional lobbying, but we all just jelous because she doesn't come around more. She's hot FITS and you are blind if you don't recognize her impeccable hottness and amazing personality.

9:50 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

FITS has got to get its facts straight... John Frank is not 24 and not a poor dresser, unless you consider Will to be a the most recently-contracted model on behalf of Ralph Lauren. Younger and hotter than FITS is willing to (publicly) admit, John has written for (count it, FITS)six major dailies and at 23 is still able to keep every other political reporter on his heels. #7- are you kidding? Will, I mean FITS, you need to Rec-Og-Nize that it doesn't get much better than Frank and he certainly deserves a spot above P-nut and fake-tan Sanford. Come on!

10:04 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How much dope were you smoking when you came up with this? Everybody knows that Tom Rhoad and Anne Parks are the hottest people at the Statehouse. Geez!

9:17 AM

 
Anonymous Mark Plowden said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:50 AM

 
Anonymous mary jane said...

I always thought Will was kind of a hottie. I think the best evidence that this IS his website is that he didn't include himself on the list.

11:52 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mary Jane are you crazy? Will Folks ego could not possibly have resisted putting himself on the list. I think this is someone that Will Folks is just feeding information to.

11:57 AM

 
Anonymous Will Folks said...

I find this all very amusing but getting a little too personal.

People need to stick to anonymous posts and not use fake names (for example, Mark Plowden is a friend of mine dating back to high school and I will bet my business that the post attributed to him on this website is not his handiwork). If we're going to say things we shouldn't about other people, let's try and at least hide behind no names, not fake ones, and not be so personal.

And for the record, my top ten (in no particular order) is: Melissa at Publik House, Amy at Back Porch, Carson at Clubhouse, Miller Lite Girl Rebecca, Emily at Publik House, Lauren (DiDonna) at Back Porch, Billy at Back Porch, Bopie at Publik House, Nancy at Clubhouse and Miller Lite girl Jessica.

As noted in my recent column on Laurin Manning's website, I also find Jennifer Sparks positively riveting, but lamentably taken.

That's all for now. These websites are starting to take on lives of their own, unfortunately.

12:19 PM

 
Anonymous mary jane said...

I do not care if he did or did not write it, I still think he is a hottie.

12:22 PM

 
Blogger Laurin Manning said...

I wonder how some of you people sleep at night.

12:30 PM

 
Anonymous recordkeeper said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:47 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Thank you Laurin Manning!!! Now can u show a sister how to delete unwanted comments!!! I also am friends with Mark Plowden and that comment is definitely NOT from him. Whoever posted that should be ashamed of themselves and if Laurin can show a gal a trick or two, we'll get that taken off straightaways, Mark.

We are SOOOO grateful for you and recordkeeper! Keep the real comments coming and good luck on your radio show today Laurin!!!

Liz'll be listnin' ...

12:53 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

who is p-nut? that is what i want to know.

12:54 PM

 
Blogger Laurin Manning said...

No problem, FITS. If you go into your control panel on blogspot, under the "Posting" tab, click on "moderate comments." If it won't let you, then you need to go into the "Settings" tab and enable comment moderation. Hope this helps.

Also, Record Keeper, any chance you could you point me to the George Will piece? It's not under his columns on the WaPo site, as best I can tell. I love George Will and would like to read it.

1:12 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No Mike Hitchcock? No Mark Sweatman? No Scott Talley? No Vincent Sheheen? No John McGill?

2:32 PM

 
Anonymous Krebs said...

No Chip Limehouse? No Becky Martin?

3:40 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyone knows Will has slept with at least 6 of the chicks on the "hot" list. He is such a stud. Maybe he can complete the list this session, and then beat them up.

4:02 PM

 
Anonymous mary jane said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:13 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Others that were left out...
Charles Cannon, Kay Clamp... hello?

4:54 PM

 
Anonymous Strayman said...

Catherine Cieps should be on this list, instead of being trashed in Monday's blog. She's petite, cute,fit, has great hair and files entertaining legislation.

5:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NO to Rick Quinn!...but what about Tumpy Campbell? not much personality, but a hottie nonetheless!

5:48 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And Tumpy is conveniently quasi-available.

6:06 PM

 
Blogger Palmetto Neocon said...

Wow.

7:23 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was most definitely the talk at the Policy Council's party and the Back Porch after-party.

Many thanks to Larry Marchant for providing a copy for review.

12:23 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about power rankings for the general assembly or most likely to retire?

12:31 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Charles Cannon should have definitely been added. Not only is he a hottie with his dark curls, but is as sweet is he is hot!!!!!

12:39 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My vote - Raegan Quinn (Rick's little Sis). Sassy yet sweet, extremely intelligent and quite sexy. How this girl is single is beyond me.

1:10 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You people need to get a life ... other than this inane garbage. Some innocent feelings are going to be hurt by some of these seemingly innocuous comments.

4:01 PM

 
Blogger realestate said...

You need to publish Sparks. Seriously...

12:59 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And where is the best of all, Chairman Dan Cooper, who is more sincere and cuter than the Goobernor could be on his best day, with Jenny standing behind him pulling the string to make his mouth move.

10:31 AM

 
Anonymous Karl Rove said...

come on now ... where was shirley hinson ... eeerrr ... shirley law ... surely shirley didn't do law before she was married and the law said shirley could surely do the law.

maybe that whole church thing was a Bush strategy session, or them boning up on outdoors issues?

10:23 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey...what about the gals in Senate Finance? Joren & Regina?? Even though Joren left we'll still see her!! Hotties!!

10:57 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes...yes...to Jennifer Sparks!!
Cute & controversial at the same time!

11:12 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where did Joren go? How will we see her again if she left Finance? Yes, to Joren and Regina sexy and sensually hot. But, could it be possible in the 06 Session to score a touchdown with either, (probably not Regina)? Has anyone tried? Inquiring minds need to know! All the possibilities with those two...this blog is making me crazy!

3:22 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think they are both smart & sweet, and both very married. No touchdowns on that turf unless by there husbands, (and they're big guys). Go smart & sexy hotties!

10:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cannot agree more with the sentiments about Joren and Regina! Their husbands, Mike and Phil, are lucky guys. However, they told me that anyone trying to score a touchdown would get the Lawerence Taylor face down in the turf smackdown!

10:00 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Regina & Joren! Possibly true about their husbands, don't know them though! I think it might be worth trying at least once with either of those two. Danger and intrigue can be exciting bedfellows especially with one of those two hotties under the sheets! Curiosity really didn't kill the cat did it?

8:54 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about that girl Mary something? She has some sort of double name and I'm not exactly sure what it is, but she is hot!

7:02 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, I've seen that Mary girl and you're right, she is hot. Someone needs to revamp this list and put her on it.

4:30 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about Ryan Stuckey. That guy's got an ass that just wont quit. What a hottie.

12:14 PM

 

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