Who's Hot at the State House?
Taking advantage of our fomenting multitude of male and female staffers, FITS proudly presents the inaugural installment of “Who’s Hot at the State House?” Wanna know who to devote your eyeball to once session’s back in full swing? You have come to the right place. And while we regret to inform the residents of Dorchestor County that favorite daughter Rep. Annette Young (pictured) did not make either list, we at FITS have nonetheless gone to unprecedented lengths to give you the Top 10 Guys and Gals to check out once the bell tolls for the 2006 Legislative Session:
1. Luke Rankin – Senator, Myrtle Beach
The bricks beneath your feet will likely give you more in the way of intelligent conversation, but Spankin’ is so, so, so (did we say so?) easy on the eyes. Enough about Santee Cooper, Lookie Poo, come sit on our lap and let mommy show you all about ‘good touch, bad touch.’ Without question the single hottest man in the state, let alone state government.
2. Michael Gunn – Lobbyist, Forge Consulting
The best-dressed man in the State House lobby, hands down. Whoever color codes this guy’s wardrobe is a genius and daily trips to the gym have him toned up beyond polite description. Plus, the boy has a slick tongue and an expense account a mile wide to match. Watch out, ladies, there’s something in this one’s eye.
3. Jim Merrill – House Majority Leader, Charleston
Tall and well-built. Relaxed and self-confident. Plus he has the best smile in either chamber. What’s not to like? Our little Jimmy is like Atticus Finch, but we’re pretty sure there are some stallions raring to go underneath that self-deprecating charm. Makes you want to stand up and sing the ‘80’s classic “Let’s Hear It For the Boy!”
4. Larry Marchant – Lobbyist, Palmetto Policy Group
Rivals Michael Gunn for the best-dressed award. Also in amazing shape. Oozes sex appeal, too, without even really trying. Best of all he seems to look better with age, as those pepper-gray locks are always just enough off-kilter or windblown to make us girls swoon, especially when accompanied by his inimitable accent. “Hey Bo!” Indeed.
5. Mark Sanford – Governor, State of South Carolina
A little dorky but an irrepressibly hot tan and he’s in solid shape to boot. Plus, he’s the governor. And he windsurfs. And he has a house on Sullivans Island. Hello! His folksy drawl and Lowcountry plantation don’t hurt him, either, but a word of caution ladies: Word is Jenny doesn’t like to share! I sure as heck won’t cross her!!!!
6. Bobby Harrell – Speaker of the House, Charleston
Nobody wears his power with more sex appeal than Bobby. Never ostentatious but never subtle, either, he carries it with the class, charm and charisma of a seasoned veteran. Those jet black locks and red power ties (always under neatly-pressed button-down shirts) just make you want to loosen that top knot ever so slightly and find a way to keep his mind off all those pesky little power struggles.
7. John Frank – Reporter, Post and Courier
Such a perfectly adorable, sweet-faced baby boy. Just 24 years old and already a seasoned vet at two major daily newspapers, Frank’s ever-flopping hair makes you want to give it a little tussle and see where that takes you. Frank won’t ever make the best-dressed list but he always looks comfortable in what he’s wearing. Plus he’s got great eyes.
8. Otis Rawl – Lobbyist, SC Chamber of Commerce
Oh, Oh, Otie. Can we have another bear hug please? This tall teddy bear of a man can pull off a peach tie and seersucker suit with more style than 90% of the guys half his age. Otie, a down comforter, some vintage red wine and a fireplace are the perfect remedy for those cold, early-January nights.
9. Jim Ritchie – Senator, Spartanburg
I’m getting a little faint just thinking about it – last session I ended up interviewing Ritchie for a news story and had to do the voiceover three times because he got me so flustered. I have NEVER been so close to asking a married man out on a date! Reserved, respected and ridiculously hot, he’s the Jim Merrill of the Senate. Classy and understated.
10. Rick Quinn – Candidate for Treasurer
Remember when the joke was that Rick would be cute if lost about 50 pounds? Well he’s lost the weight but not the blond locks, rosy complexion and adorable eyes that got us going in the first place. Smoke-free, eating right and reportedly on an intense workout regimen, you can be our Treasurer any day, Rickie Poo!
1. Katie Dunning - Lobbyist, Palmetto Policy Group
Holy guacamole. At twenty-two, Katie does have the advantage of youth but let there be no doubt, this girl is making the most of it. From head to toe there is literally not a damn thing wrong with Miss Dunning (FITS crack staff has checked just to be sure) and her wardrobe and accessories are always impeccably selected and coordinated. There’s a good reason heads turn every time this black-haired vixen strolls into the State House – she’s easily the hottest gal there!
2. Peggy Boykin – Director, State Retirement System
You may not always understand what she’s talking about with all that “inverse annual accrued” accountant stuff, but Lord have mercy there is perfection in this woman’s singularly well-endowed form. How old is Peggy? Who cares! Delicious “FMN” shoe and short skirt combinations also reveal the best set of legs in the Southeast. Girls half her age wish they looked this good.
3. Nikki Haley – State Representative, Lexington
Smart. Sexy. Strong-willed. Nikki’s political stock isn’t the only thing about her that’s on its way up. When she dons her signature pink button-up Jackie O suit at the State House, take care not to walk into a column while you’re gawking. Nikki does own her own clothing store, so she’s got a bit of a leg up on the competition in that regard, but we think you’ll agree it’s one helluva leg. In fact, we think you’ll find both legs appealing.
4. Adrienne Huffman – Lobbyist, Capital Consultants
Someone needs to pass a law that requires “I’m Your Venus” to be played every time this tall drink of water ascends the stairs to the second floor lobby. She is literally the “goddess on the mountaintop, burning like a silver flame.” Bold colors, a full-figure and bright blonde hair will draw your eye immediately, where you would be wise to keep it while Senators and Representatives babble on about this or that.
5. Lindsey Bonds – Lobbyist, Fred Allen & Associates
Hummina, hummina, hummina. Aye-eye-yie yarreeba!!!! This girl walks down the street like she owns the place, and judging from the glances coming faster than stealth missiles in her wake, that assessment is accurate. Miss Bonds is built like a brick barnyard, not like Sir Mix-A-Lot’s built for comfort models, but you’ll still be singing “I’m hooked an I can’t stop starin’” regardless.
6. Clara Smith – Lobbyist, Mike Daniel & Associates
Elegance is still a virtue, girls. Take note of Mrs. Smith, whose bubbly effervescence and sweet demure exterior our male FITS staffers continue to pray is really hiding the girl from the Billy Idol video. One of those rare forms that simultaneously pulls off “cute” and “hot,” Clara has the added benefit of possessing the prettiest smile of all the State House ladies, too.
7. Sara Hopper – Lobbyist
How is this girl still single? Hop on over, boys. You’re missing the boat. Sweet, smart and self-assured, Sara has also made dramatic dress upgrades over the past two years. Previously a fan of “boxy” suits that disguised the full bevy of bodaciousness God gave her, of late she’s been a tad more inviting in her selections. Take a look, fellas. And holla back.
8. Lauren Eaves – SC House of Representatives
Never been to the bill room on the first floor of the South Carolina State House? Now you have a reason to go. Her name is Laurin Eaves and just because you don’t know her name now doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make the trip. Flowing brown hair and one of the most naturally-beautiful faces God has ever created make Eaves (at 23) a potential long-term rival to our No. 1 Miss Dunning for State House supremacy.
9. The Jennifers
Our original number nine has been replaced by a combination of Jennifer Sparks, Jenny Pressley and Jenny Worthington - all STRONG VR (which stands for "Visual Relief") ...
10. Gloria Haskins – State Representative, Greenville
Classy. Remarkably sexy dresser. And, oh by the way, she is way out of your league. Plus her boys Brian and David would beat you into a living pulp if you so much as look at her in a manner that displeases them. Still, one of the more gorgeous women you’ll ever get a chance to look at in your lifetime.
Wait a minute, where's Will Folks on this list? Oh that's right ... WE ARE WILL FOLKS.