New Chamber Lobbyist Rocks State House
FITS has always had a bit of a beef with the South Carolina Chamber of Commerce. Seriously, what other "pro-business" advocacy group is all about promoting jacked-up spending and shiny new government programs as the elixir for our state's centuries-old underperformance? Oh we forgot, the South Carolina Small Business Chamber of Commerce.
The sad fact is that South Carolina would most assuredly stay at the bottom of the national barrel in terms of income levels, unemployment and educational achievement if Hunter Howard and his Democrat-schilling minions were running the state.
Wait a minute ... Hunter Howard and his Democrat-schilling minions ARE running the state.
Oh well, as much as we here at FITS love to hate on business types that sell out to the pork-lust of Columbia glad-handers like Pork Barrel, Mein Cooper and Huge Leatherman, there apparently now strides across the legislative stage perhaps the most compelling reason we've ever seen to abandon the struggle for lower taxes, limited government and more personal freedoms and just give in to ... well, whatever she tells us to give in to.
Her name is Megan Dooley (pictured above), and no, she's not a fem-bot or a figment of your imagination, she's the real-life, flesh-and-blood new Chamber lobbyist that's got heads turning in downtown Columbia faster than a cop car chasing Andre Bauer down Assembly Street.
Since Miss Dooley has pretty much single-handedly obliterated the "State House Top Ten Hotties" list FITS did awhile back, we figure she deserves a list all her own.
So, without further adieu, from one sister to another, FITS' is proud to offer "Dooley Dating Do's and Dont's," your key, Miss Dooley, to avoiding lots of drama this legislative session as the drool from of a bunch of overweight, middle-age politicos pools at your ankles pretty much everywhere you go on the State House grounds:
DO ... wear boots. Seriously, people are going to drool in sufficient amounts around you that the water is likely reach your ankles.
DON'T ... even THINK about going out on a date with either Will Folks or Mark Sweatman. Boys like those two are ANIMALS!
DO ... consider dating nice boys like John Dillard.
DON'T ... EVER let a legislator say to you, "do you mind if I close this door and talk to you in private?" The translation to that sentance is "I'm closing this door so that no one will see me attempt to show you my privates."
DO ... understand that all the other girl lobbyists are probably going to hate you for a little while.
DON'T ... ever let John Graham Altman tell you you're not that bright. He's the one who's not that bright.
DO ... remember that rings on fingers in Columbia mean NOTHING.
DON'T ... forget where you came from and what you believe in.
DO ... listen to girls like Katie Dunning and Sara Hopper. They're not only hot but they've got the spunk and brains to command respect in the little boy's world you're entering.
DON'T ... forget to keep an eye on your drink at all times when sampling the legislative nightlife. We're betting even Eldridge Emory ain't above trying to slip you a roofie.
DO ... remember that no matter how seriously others take you, you're only as serious as you take yourself.
DON'T ... did we mention to stay away from boys like Will Folks and Mark Sweatman?
Go get 'em, kid. And you can thank us for the skinny over coffee and Cosmo one morning ...