Wednesday, January 11, 2006

New Chamber Lobbyist Rocks State House

FITS has always had a bit of a beef with the South Carolina Chamber of Commerce. Seriously, what other "pro-business" advocacy group is all about promoting jacked-up spending and shiny new government programs as the elixir for our state's centuries-old underperformance? Oh we forgot, the South Carolina Small Business Chamber of Commerce.

The sad fact is that South Carolina would most assuredly stay at the bottom of the national barrel in terms of income levels, unemployment and educational achievement if Hunter Howard and his Democrat-schilling minions were running the state.

Wait a minute ... Hunter Howard and his Democrat-schilling minions ARE running the state.

Oh well, as much as we here at FITS love to hate on business types that sell out to the pork-lust of Columbia glad-handers like Pork Barrel, Mein Cooper and Huge Leatherman, there apparently now strides across the legislative stage perhaps the most compelling reason we've ever seen to abandon the struggle for lower taxes, limited government and more personal freedoms and just give in to ... well, whatever she tells us to give in to.

Her name is Megan Dooley (pictured above), and no, she's not a fem-bot or a figment of your imagination, she's the real-life, flesh-and-blood new Chamber lobbyist that's got heads turning in downtown Columbia faster than a cop car chasing Andre Bauer down Assembly Street.

Since Miss Dooley has pretty much single-handedly obliterated the "State House Top Ten Hotties" list FITS did awhile back, we figure she deserves a list all her own.

So, without further adieu, from one sister to another, FITS' is proud to offer "Dooley Dating Do's and Dont's," your key, Miss Dooley, to avoiding lots of drama this legislative session as the drool from of a bunch of overweight, middle-age politicos pools at your ankles pretty much everywhere you go on the State House grounds:

DO ... wear boots. Seriously, people are going to drool in sufficient amounts around you that the water is likely reach your ankles.

DON'T ... even THINK about going out on a date with either Will Folks or Mark Sweatman. Boys like those two are ANIMALS!

DO ... consider dating nice boys like John Dillard.

DON'T ... EVER let a legislator say to you, "do you mind if I close this door and talk to you in private?" The translation to that sentance is "I'm closing this door so that no one will see me attempt to show you my privates."

DO ... understand that all the other girl lobbyists are probably going to hate you for a little while.

DON'T ... ever let John Graham Altman tell you you're not that bright. He's the one who's not that bright.

DO ... remember that rings on fingers in Columbia mean NOTHING.

DON'T ... forget where you came from and what you believe in.

DO ... listen to girls like Katie Dunning and Sara Hopper. They're not only hot but they've got the spunk and brains to command respect in the little boy's world you're entering.

DON'T ... forget to keep an eye on your drink at all times when sampling the legislative nightlife. We're betting even Eldridge Emory ain't above trying to slip you a roofie.

DO ... remember that no matter how seriously others take you, you're only as serious as you take yourself.

DON'T ... did we mention to stay away from boys like Will Folks and Mark Sweatman?

Go get 'em, kid. And you can thank us for the skinny over coffee and Cosmo one morning ...


Anonymous Trey Dooley said...

It's nice to see an anonymous blogger taking an interest in my sister, but let's get one thing straight. No matter what you think, my sister is a great person, a smart person, and will be very good at her new job. Additionally, she'd be all of this even if she wasn't "hot," as you say. I really hate it that people such as yourself need to take potshots at people like my sister in order to make themselves feel better.

I honestly don't know for sure if you meant this post as a compliment or in a derogatory, or other, way. However, you certainly are intimating that her internship is tied in a major way to her looks. Quite frankly, if this was intentional (and even if its was not), you're way off base.

You've probably never actually met my sister, but if you had, you'd know that she's one of the most articulate and affable people you'd ever met.

I know that you probably don't care, but you need to start thinking that people you talk about on here have feelings, and might care about the suggestions made about them (especially when they can be titled nothing but false). After you do that, you might want to think about apologizing to my sister because I'm pretty sure you'd want one if somebody wrote something like this about you.

9:26 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

terrible blog...,

ted nugent

9:44 AM

Blogger faithinsound said...

Whoa there, big brother!

We meant no offense, implied no correlation between your little sis getting hired and her being a hottie and last but not least - this site is a parody!!!

How bout just say "thank you" for giving your girl some added ink and let her fight her own battles, big boy.

10:16 AM

Anonymous Trey Dooley said...

It seems as if you're operating under the assumption that your little blog is in some way helping my sister, and if you think that, you're, again, way off base. Not all publicity is good publicity, and this certainly is not good publicity.

Also, if you're not suggesting that there was a correlation between her looks and getting hired, say so. You didn't, so I don't believe you when you say it after the fact.

As far as "letting her fight her own battles" why don't you tell me what your email address, phone number or at least real name is so that I can let her talk to you and fight this battle.

10:28 AM

Blogger Palmetto Neocon said...

"I'm pretty sure you'd want one if somebody wrote something like this about you. "

Thats really funny, trey. Try about 72 blogs linked by Rod Shealy. HAHA

11:41 AM

Anonymous Will Folks said...

Mr. Dooley,

While not responsible for all of the content on the "Faith in the Sound" website, I did contribute the recent post to which you refer in your comments of today - as I contribute many such posts on this site and over at the Laurin Line.

No offense to your younger sister was intended, and if any was taken, I hope that both of you will accept my apology. I have a younger sibling myself, and I certainly respect your desire to be a good brother.

Should Miss Dooley wish to speak with me regarding this post or any other matter in person, I am on the 11th Floor of the office building in which she works (Suite 1100) and would welcome the opportunity to make her acquaintance.

And just for the record, I'm pretty familiar with the phenomenon of "not all publicity being good publicity."

Take care and I appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts with me.



3:15 PM

Anonymous Trey Dooley said...

Mr. Folks,

Thank you for your thoughful response, and I will forward your comments to my sister.

Your openness (as to who wrote/contributed to this blog) is great to see.

I understand that this is a parody, and I meant no disrespect by my comments earlier. I was trying to stick up for my sister, and I am glad that we could all back up and have some perspective about this.

Thank you again, Mr. Folks.

5:00 PM

Blogger NotVeryBright said...

Is it just me, or is all this "who's hot" stuff very junior high?

8:20 AM

Blogger Sol Blatt said...

Anyone who thinks that a purdy, young woman's looks is not an asset in the world of lobbying is just, plain dumb. If you you doubt me, just compare the effectiveness of an ugly female lobbyist to a purdy one.

When I was Speaker, I would have given far more attention to Miss Dooley and her legisalative concerns than I would have, say, Dan Jones or Richard Davis. I mean, look at em'.

That's not to say that Miss Dooley is not a smart, young lady. All I am saying is that as an old, southern gentleman, I would much rather sit in a meeting with Miss Dooley than some of those spineless, butt-kissing men that I usually delt with.

I would like to impart her with a little bit of my wisdom. Miss Dooley, you are entering into a world that contains some of the slimiest, bottom-feeders around.

I wish her all of the success in the world.

10:55 AM

Blogger Palmetto Neocon said...

Maybe its just me, but not very bright's blog name, fits her well.

1:05 AM


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