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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

New SCGOP Consulting Firm Announced


FITS has learned that a new political consulting firm has been launched in the Palmetto State, one that incorporates not just some of - but in fact all of - the state Republican Party's political heavyweights.

The firm, tenatively called Tompkins, Quinn, Shealy, McAlister, Thompson, Merrill, Sullivan, Felkel, Whetsell, Maleryck, Matney, Adams, Denny, Ayres, Walker, Cahaly, Puhlaski, Donohue & Associates, said its primary focus will be on sticking it as far up Will Folks' backside as is humanly possible.

"Will Folks is an asshole," said Terry Sullivan, one of the founding members of the new firm.

"He's a damn asshole if you ask me," said veteran GOP consultant Rod Shealy.

"Total asshole," added longtime 'King of the SC Politicos' Warren Tompkins.

"Never met a bigger asshole in my life," said Bob McAlister, former communciations director to Gov. Carroll Campbell.

"I don't know him personally but he sure seems like an asshole," said the group's polling expert, Whit Ayres.

Our boy sic Willie could not be reached for comment on the formation of the new firm. Messages left at his office and on his firm's website, www.viewpolitik.com, were not returned, and like the Columbia Police Department, FITS had no recent home address for Folks.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Patrick Henry said...

More like that itchy hair just outside the asshole.

5:50 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's Puhlasky, not Puhlaski.

6:45 PM

 
Blogger Palmetto Neocon said...

:). I would align myself with thhat consultant. It would make it much easier!

6:49 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Dear Mr. Liberty or Death,

Actually, PUHLASKY (thanks) is the itchy hair just outside the asshole.

But glad to see you noticed!

7:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not sure what y'all are talking about. But the unauthorized use of the SCGOP logo without the express written consent of MLB is strickly prohibited.

7:12 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jason doesn't like it when you misspell Jason's last name. Jason also doesn't like it when you refer to Jason's last name as that street in the Vista where that gay bar is located eiether.

7:23 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two others.

It's Malyerck, not Maleryck.

It's Donehue, not Donohue.

To paraphrase Martha Stewart, "Proofreading...it's a good thing."

8:08 PM

 
Blogger Queer as Folks said...

have you noticed that the ever evolving photo of faith in the sound on the profile is now none other than amy ray...one half of the indigo girls. I cannot let this one go unnoticed. The original lesbian folk-rock power pop duo. is there something you want to tell us will on the day that you announce that this group of super friend are purportedly going to go and give it to you up the backside.

just kidding, will.

Good luck. We hope that the imaginary jet is gassed up with imaginary gas...so that you can fly in imaginary candidates in first class to your imaginary office at your imaginary consulting firm. Again, just joking. Seriously, that is a cool website and we do wish you good luck.

Dum Spiro Spero

10:10 PM

 
Blogger Queer as Folks said...

have you noticed that the ever evolving photo of faith in the sound on the profile is now none other than amy ray...one half of the indigo girls. I cannot let this one go unnoticed. The original lesbian folk-rock power pop duo. is there something you want to tell us will on the day that you announce that this group of super friend are purportedly going to go and give it to you up the backside.

just kidding, will.

Good luck. We hope that the imaginary jet is gassed up with imaginary gas...so that you can fly in imaginary candidates in first class to your imaginary office at your imaginary consulting firm. Again, just joking. Seriously, that is a cool website and we do wish you good luck.

Dum Spiro Spero

10:11 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

The spelling of second-tier SCGOP political minds matters about as much to FITS as the mediocre product they consistently put out.

And please, Mr. Queer as Folks, try and get control of your nervous tics. You're hitting the send button like 8 times per message.

We read you, loud and clear.

11:30 AM

 

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