... IRREVERENCE, INSTITUTIONALIZED ...

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Play the "State of the State Drinking Game"


We've all played "A-hole," "Circle of Death" and the infamous "Roxanne" drinking games before, haven't we? Hell, unless our name is Rod Shealy, we've all been to college, right?

At any rate, seeking to capitalize on its dueling audiences of a) drunk, married Legislators and b) twenty-one year old college girls attempting to pry said drunk, married Legislators' hands from their backsides, "The Back Porch" restaurant is proudly sponsoring the inaugural "State of the State Drinking Game" tomorrow night.

Conveniently and appropriately, the contest will be hosted at The Back Porch, right across the street from the Legislative conclave that is the Clarion Town House.

Here's how it works: Print up the following rules, make sure your butt is in a chair that has a hookup to South Carolina Educational Television (if you need any help with that, just call former Sanford Communications Director Chris Drummond) and last but not least - have beaucoup alcohol on hand.

RULE #1 - Drink a full fifth of your favorite liquor before the speech starts ... this is Mark Sanford, remember.

RULE #2 - If your name happens to be Annette Young, triple whatever amounts are listed below.

RULE #3 - Anytime the governor says "I would just say ...," or "trust fund," take only a sip. Otherwise, you'll be hammered within five minutes.

RULE #4 - Drink ONCE whenever the governor says "Jobs."

RULE #5 - Drink ONCE whenever the governor says "Kid" or "Kids."

RULE #6 - Drink ONCE whenever the governor refers to "Soil Conditions."

RULE #7 - Drink TWICE whenever the governor says "At the end of the day" or "From day one."

RULE #8 - Drink TWICE whenever the governor uses the word "County."

RULE #9 - Drink TWICE whenever the governor references a legislator by his or her first name.

RULE #10 - Drink THREE TIMES whenever you hear the governor say "Freidman," "Porter," "Harvard" or "Economist."

RULE #11 - Drink THREE TIMES whenever you hear the governor reference "The World is Flat" or "The Lexus and the Olive Tree."

RULE #12 - Whoever is the first to yell "Lovelace" once the governor has used the word "Tax" or 'Taxes" five times gets to make everyone else in the bar drink THREE times.

RULE #13 - Whoever is the first to correctly predict within one minute the governor's first impromptu "Let me say that again" or "Let me say that in English" remark gets to make everyone else in the bar drink FIVE times.

RULE #14 - Drink FOUR TIMES whenever the governor says "Jenny."

RULE #15 - Drink FOUR TIMES whenever the governor says "underlying."

RULE #16 - Drink FOUR TIMES whenever the governor says "ultimately."

RULE #17 - Drink FOUR TIMES whenever the governor recognizes a Cabinet member by name.

RULE #18 - Turn to the person to your right and make them drink TWICE whenever the governor says "Maybank."

RULE #19 - Turn to the person to your left and make them drink TWICE whenever the governor says "debt" or "deficit."

RULE #20 - BE SURE TO DRINK ANOTHER FIFTH OF YOUR FAVORITE WHEN IT'S ALL DONE!!! Chances are you'll need it ...

Oh, and good luck driving home!!! Happy viewing!!!

7 Comments:

Blogger Earl Capps said...

man, ya'll sure do not like poor ol' annette.

11:20 PM

 
Blogger Sol Blatt said...

How much do you drink when he says, "my four boys..."

9:29 AM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Mr. Blatt,

Atually zero times, but you should feel free to drink TWICE when the governor refers to "Mine and Jenny's four little boys."

We have a feeling if you follow these rules you'll be sufficiently plastered by speech's end.

-FITS

11:25 AM

 
Blogger NeverEnough said...

That's a pretty difficult drinking game!! Count me in :)

2:04 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See you at the porch!!!

4:01 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Sure thing, anonymous. Will you be wearing a bag over your head to protect your identity?

4:39 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I may or may not be wearing a shirt

5:51 PM

 

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