... IRREVERENCE, INSTITUTIONALIZED ...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Try this DYNO-MITE Idea


At first FITS thought it was a bad joke, or yet another sign that our society has completely lost its mind.

But the more we think about it, whoever came up with this idea is onto something.

In case you haven't driven down Andreanapolis Street (sorry, we meant Assembly Street) lately, the old Radisson/ Carolina Plaza hotel at the Pendleton Street intersection has seen better days.

Back in its hey-day, the Plaza was "happenin' digs." It even served as a temporary home for the South Carolina General Assembly while the State House was undergoing extensive interior renovations in the late 1990's. But with the University of South Carolina deciding to use your tax dollars to unfairly compete with Columbia's hospitality industry at another location these days, it's time for the Plaza to (literally) bite the dust.

But before it takes a concrete nose dive, the Carolina Plaza is giving you a chance to send some of your frustration down with it.

FITS kids you not - for the meagre sum of $20, you can have the last laugh on that ex-boyfriend or girlfriend by sending them (well, a picture of them at least) out in a blaze of glory.

Sponsored by USC's Arnold School of Public Health - again FITS kids you not - the "Blow It Up" promotion will accept anything made of paper for inclusion in the Plaza's February 5 implosion. So grab that nasty break-up letter, print that e-mail where he called you fat, or, if you're John Graham Altman, hurry up and request that glossy 8X10 photo of WIS reporter Kara Gormley.

Turns out the most original submission will receive a pair of tickets to the "Blow it Up Breakfast" at the Capital City Club, where he or she will have a birds-eye view of the demolition.

"The purpose (of the campaign) is to raise awareness of all the exciting things that are happening on the USC campus, especially for the Arnold School of Public Health and the Innovista,” says Lucy Hollingsworth, spokeswoman for the school.

Right.

We think the purpose is to watch in diabolical satisfaction as bad memories, enemies or enmities go up in smoke.

Again, we thought it was a joke at first, but you can learn all about this wacky new promotion by logging onto http://www.sc.edu/carolinatoday/item.php?tid=83.

Although many are waiting for the Feb. 2 deadline to send in their documents, State House-related submissions have been brisk. Bobby Harrell, Andrew Sorenson, Jim Barker and Dan Cooper have each submitted for obliteration their copies of Gov. Mark Sanford's Executive Budget, and Sen. Larry Martin has sent in an autographed photo of Phil Leventis and a copy of the Senate Rules. Sen. Hugh Leatherman has submitted the Fiscal Discipline Act of 2004 (along with a photo of the governor), and Sen. Mike Fair has submitted a photo of Charles Darwin along with any South Carolina textbook that teaches evolution.

Treasurer Grady Patterson initially submitted his campaign finance disclosure report before being told that he was not at the State Ethics Commission (Patterson ultimately submitted his AARP card, a nasty-gram from Standard & Poor's ratings service and, thankfully, his Driver's License).

"The Treasurer is still relevant and hip," spokesman/State Treasurer Trav "Mini-Me" Robertson said. "And when it comes to getting our state's Triple-A credit rating back, watch out - he has an appetite for destruction."

On that subject, new State Ports Authority Chairman Bill Stern submitted for reduction the SPA's promise to expand port capacity in Charleston and Jasper County (since they don't have the money and won't let private companies do it), and no fewer than a dozen female State House lobbyists submitted various mementoes from past flings with our favorite bad boy, Sic Willie.

New Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer declined to identify any specific items the administration had on its hit list, but said the governor would unveil a "Checklist for Implosion" prior to the Feb. 2 deadline.

"It'll probably be the answer to whatever FOIA request Jim Davenport is sending us this week," Sawyer said.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you should have used a picture of JJ from Good Times

2:15 PM

 
Blogger Queer as Folks said...

we have some paperwork you might want to blow up will!!!

8:43 AM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

whatever you do, queer, just don't blow up that lithium prescription or your unemployment benefits check!

3:46 PM

 
Blogger Queer as Folks said...

You know will is that all you can throw at me...the old lithium thing. the unemployment benefits check. Let's think about this for a moment crackerjack, now I now you are probably going through withdrawls since henry got all of your meth taken away the other day and since rick can't let you in the back porch anynmore you cannot get free booze. Seeing how you don't have any clients these days (but you have a really peachy keen website) maybe we should all be asking you where you are having your unemplyment checks sent???

4:30 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

will you are such a fag

4:46 PM

 
Blogger MaskedMedia said...

Paul - I'm so glad you got that dictionary and writing guide I sent you for Christmas. You finally made a comment that's somewhat grammatically correct and with pretty decent spelling skills. You're making vast improvements, much like that kid from Burma.

6:30 PM

 
Blogger Queer as Folks said...

Actually, Mr. Karr. if you want to pull the sessame seeds off of the bagel. We send our posts via electronic mail to burma and have the burmese proof read and spell check them for us. They then post them for us onto our blog all for about 2.5 cents per post. (I just noticed there wasn't a cent key on the computer keyboard)
We are negotiating with them to design us a new blog as well...one that is more "user", I mean will friendly.

2:09 PM

 
Anonymous joejames said...

Can somebody make Paul Adams go away? Or take away his internet privileges? Or give him a job? Or double his lithium dosage?

2:30 PM

 
Anonymous Nancy Drew said...

Hey Will, this business with Paul Adams is getting VERY old. How do you know he is on lithium and may have had to accept unemployment? Will, you win the pathetic contest. You were covicted of Criminal Domestic Violence...take a look in the mirror the next time you decide to criticize someone else. You beat up a girl...didn't your parents teach you to pick on somebody your own size??? How are those court mandated anger management classes going? Perhaps you need some valium, xanax or perhaps LITHIUM!!! Get a life.

10:45 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Nancy (Adams),

We'll be sure to pass along your prescription recommendations to Mr. Folks.

Have a nice day,

FITS

12:55 AM

 
Anonymous slanted and enchanted said...

hey is that susanna hoffs from the bangles?

6:52 PM

 

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