Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Leatherman Bolts GOP for Communist Party

For the second time in his political career, Hugh Leatherman, Chairman of the powerful Senate Finance Committee, is switching parties. FITS has learned that the not-even-moderately-tall (and not even moderately Republican) Florence Senator will announce tomorrow that he is bolting the S.C. GOP to become a member of the South Carolina Communist Party.

Leatherman did not return repeated phone calls from FITS seeking comment, but a senior Senate Finance staffer - who spoke on condition of anonymity - confirmed that the switch would be announced tomorrow.

"He's doing it," the official told FITS. "He's formally joining the Communist Party."

It's not the first time the raspy-voiced, big-spending, anti-reform, status quo (and did we mention, not even moderately tall?) Senator has switched his party allegiances. A decade ago, as Republicans began asserting their control over the South Carolina political scene, Leatherman left the S.C. Democratic Party. A decade prior to that, in 1986, Leatherman ran unsuccessfully for the Democratic Gubernatorial nomination.

"Given his fairly established allegiance to the command economic model and fundamental commitment to big government, I can't say this comes as much of a surprise," said USC Political Scientist Jedediah Springfield. "I mean, this guy's idea of a free economy is slightly to the left of Hugo Chavez."

S.C. GOP Chairman Katon Dawson was caught off guard by the news, momentarily speaking in the first person, but quickly regrouped and began speaking of himself in his trademark third person.

"Katon wants to remind everyone that we have more money than the Democrats and that President Bush is still the President," Dawson said. "That's what Katon wants to remind everyone of."

S.C. Communist Party President Bill Gillepsie, who doubles as the State Economist, said he welcomed Leatherman's defection.

"Viva la revolution," Gillespie said. "A chicken in every pot."

Gov. Mark Sanford's office said it would comment on the announcement after it was made, presuming it could convince Doug Smith, Harry Cato and Jim Harrison to provide quotes for a press release.


Anonymous silly said...

This shit used to be funny, but it's just plain mean spirited now, and mean spirited isn't funny.

5:38 PM

Blogger NeverEnough said...

I wish I knew enough about politics to understand these rants. Can you start doing a "Politics for Dummies" section?

8:10 PM


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