Wednesday, March 15, 2006

GOP Candidate for Saluda County Dog Catcher Endorses Lovelace

Earl, a Republican candidate for the office of Dog Catcher in Saluda County, added his name to an illustrious list of GOP luminaries backing the insurgent gubernatorial campaign of Newberry physician Dr. Oscar Lovelace.

"Oscar's Army is gaining momentum every day," said Earl, who has no last name. "I'm proud to join the ranks of a growing list of important Republicans who support his candidacy."

Earl's endorsement of Lovelace sparked a political firestorm across South Carolina, coming a day after FITS' favorite Homo neanderthalensis Jakie Knotts (formerly of "Republicans for Hodges") headed up a list of prominent GOPers endorsing Lovelace's campaign.

Also on the list was disgruntled Santee Cooper advocate Bill Mescher, who incidentally sounds an awful lot like Milton from the movie "Office Space" when he talks, and Horry County auditor Lois "Hot Lips" Eargle.

"This is a political juggernaut that spells real trouble for Mark Sanford," said Clemson political scientist Bruce Lee Ransom. "Earl's endorsement of Lovelace is infinitely bigger than former Gov. Carroll Campbell's endorsement of Mark Sanford was four years ago. It changes the whole complexion of the race."

In related news, the entire RINO (Republican in Name Only) caucus of the GOP-controlled House of Representatives took a break from growing government by 16% to hold a press conference announcing that it was endorsing former U.S. Rep. Ken Holland for governor.

Informed that Holland had already dropped out of the Democratic Primary, RINO Caucus Chair and Mayor of Importantville Bobby Harrell snapped back, "Well I guess I'd better get his ass back in it then, hadn't I?"

"I told you b--ches, I'm the Mayor of Importantville," Harrell added. "I do whatever the f--- I want."

Harrell declined to comment as to whether or not he would seek Earl's endorsement in the event he runs for governor in 2010.

"That's Jimmy (Merrill)'s problem, not mine," Harrell said. "Besides, who wants to be governor when you can be Mayor?"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

the no last name is great

12:16 PM

Blogger Earl Capps said...


I don't live in Saluda County, and am not running for any office. Nor do I intend to do so.

Nor am I am a member of Oscar's Army, the Kiss Army, the A-team, or much of anything else. Heck, I can't get get my own kids to pay attention to me.

Better watch it, or I'll send Chuck to your office to "negotiate".

1:57 PM


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