Thursday, March 16, 2006

New House Ed Chair Stokes Controversy

One RINO moves on, another RINO takes his place.

FITS has learned that Republican in Name Only Ronnie Townsend, who only yesterday announced his retirement from the House of Representatives (GOOD), will be followed as Chairman of the House Education Committee by Bob "Walker, Spartanburg Ranger" (pictured, and BAD).

At the risk of succombing to roundhouse-related death ourselves, FITS will momentarily stop invoking Chuck Norris (or any of his popular primetime television programs) to focus on the dramatic political implications of Walker's impending ascension to this lofty legislative post.

First of all, expect Walker's selection to be vigorously applauded by status-quo backers like the S.C. Education Association, S.C. School Boards Association, S.C. Association of School Administrators and other whiny, educrat-windbag groups who believe that our state's four-decade experiment of throwing ungodly sums of money at the nation's worst public school system will somehow magically turn it into the nation's best public school system.

Incidentally, four decades later, South Carolina still has the nation's worst public school system.

Walker, who was recently (and rightly, FITS should add) passed over for the role of Director of the Deparment of Insurance, came out swinging immediately against his critics.

"First of all it's Bob 'Mile High Club' Walker, none of this 'Spartanburg Ranger' crap," the 63-year old legislator-pilot told FITS. "And second of all, there will be open and vigorous debate on the pressing issues of the day under my leadership of this committee."

In fact, Walker said the highly-contentious school voucher/tax credit issue would be settled once and for all by a swimming pool "chicken fight" featuring Inez Tenenbaum and Molly Spearman (representing the status quo) versus Karen Floyd and Kristin Maguire (representing the school choicers).

"They will battle in bikinis, best four out of seven," Walker said. "For my pleasure."

"Good grief," lamented Maguire, who in addition to stating her flat refusal to participate in the new chairman's "chicken fight," also said she would trade her short skirts for less-revealing pantsuits on any days she may be summoned to appear before Walker's committee.

Undeterred, Walker also announced that he would determine whether or not South Carolina finally provides its teachers with cost-saving, quick-return item analysis on the PACT test based on "whether the teachers they send to testify before me are hot or not."

"Works for me," said fellow RINO Caucus and Education Committee member George "Who Am I?" Bailey. "But if he's a pilot then I graduated from Washington & Lee University and was a U.S. Marine."


Blogger Earl Capps said...

you wanna put those four in the pool? good God almighty - can't you come up with four women less scary than that?!?

6:08 PM

Anonymous Nettie said...

That was actually amusing.

10:25 PM

Blogger faithinsound said...


Like Rep. Walker, we aim to please.


12:40 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

In a town with 177 ( I must include the constitutional officers) egotistical do-nothing blowhards, Ronnie Townsend has to be ranked in the top 5.

What has he done to help the citizens of SC? Nothing! Just like the rest of them. Hopefully, someone will fill his seat that is honest. This new guy "Walker" looks like a loser too. Why do we have a bunch of washed up old dudes running our government?

Oh, the way, I saw one of your other blogs about women in Politics. I agree we are lacking in that department. But we actually need to have one less. Becky Martin needs to go. I know her and live in her district and cannot find one thing she has done in 10 years. Can anyone help me on that?

6:40 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd have to put my money on Tennenbaum and Spearman winning the chicken fight simply because of two words - teacher arms. Also, have you ever seen Spearman work that accordion?

2:49 AM


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