Top Ten Reasons Sanford Shouldn't Debate Lovelace
Whether its the State's Lee Bandy, Rod Shealy, Jr. over at the Shealy Wagging Blog or Ross Shealy over at the Shealy Barbecue Blog, a growing chorus of about eight people (most of whom just happen to have the last name Shealy) are demanding that Gov. Mark Sanford debate his so-called "Republican" primary opponent, Dr. Oscar Lovelace of Newberry.
A recent "Top Ten" list outlined reasons the governor should debate Lovelace, so FITS is pleased to offer for your consideration the Top Ten reasons he shouldn't:
10. You have to actually be a Republican to a debate in a Republican Primary. Talk to Tommy Moore and Frank Willis, Oscar, that's the debate for you.
9. "I'm for raising our cigarette tax to create jobs," only takes a couple of seconds to say. Debates last for over an hour - and you want three of them. That's two more debates than your campaign has ideas.
8. You've got $64,000 cash on hand. The governor's got $5 million. Elephants don't debate fleas sitting on their asses.
7. We're all very sorry your consultant's sister got booted from the Worker's Compensation Board, but it really is about time all of you Shealy-ites got the f--- over it.
6. Riverbanks Zoo has a lot of monkeys, many of them with red, hairless butts. You're welcome to have a "Primate Debate" with one of them, but a "Primary Debate" with the governor is a little bit out of your league.
5. Incumbency has its privileges, one of which is not having to waste three hours on some idiot whose sole basis for running is his consultant's impotent rage.
4. Watching 'Desperate Housewives' actually is a better use of the governor's time than debating you. Heck, staring at a turned-off television set for an hour is a better use of the governor's time than debating you.
3. You probably wouldn't be able to understand the chart showing South Carolina's unemployment rate steadily dropping.
2. In order to participate in a Republican Gubernatorial Primary Debate, you have to be able to correctly spell 'Republican Gubernatorial Primary Debate.' Go on, take your time ...
1. The governor is just trying to spare you that awkward moment when the topic of "Medicaid Reform" comes up, forcing you to acknowledge that your medical practice is a case study for why we need it.
Now go and have some fun with the monkeys at the zoo, Oscar!