Bush's New Strategy: "F--- It"
In the wake of mounting dissatisfaction with his job performance and approval ratings languishing in the mid-30's, President George W. Bush (above) is accompanying a recent staff shakeup with a new approach to governing that White House observers are already referring to as the "F--- It" strategy.
"He's not up for reelection, why should he give a s---?" said one senior White House staffer who spoke with FITS on the condition of anonymity. "All this worrying about what everybody thinks about him all the time doesn't work for him, this President is at his best when he's staring into the camera and telling the enemies of freedom, you know what? F--- it."
FITS has learned that Step One in the President's new "F--- It" plan is the formation of a harem similiar to North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il's "Pleasure Squad," a collection of roughly fifty 18-24 year-old women (all carrying the rank of First Lieutenant in the People's Army of North Korea, incidentally) who are divided into the "massage team," "dance team" and the hopefully self-explanatory "fulfillment team." The stated function of the "Pleasure Squad" is to preserve the "vitality and longevity of The Leader."
"What can I say," Bush told reporters at a recent White House press conference. "Dictatorship has its privileges."
Step Two is bombing the living hell out of any nation that so much as thinks derisive thoughts about America, starting with what Bush called "those narcissistic p---ies over in France."
Step Three is the installation of a new "trap-door" system in the White House press room, where the simple push of a button can remove offending journalists as the President sees fit.
Finally, Step Four is to start a new relationship with the U.S. Congress, which FITS has learned involves calling it into a joint session under the pretense of a Presidential Address, but then flying overhead with the 82nd Airborne and helping bomb the s--- out of the U.S. Capitol.
"After that I'll drill in Alaska, domestic wiretap your asses and mispronounce words whenever I want, b--ches," Bush said. "I'm George W. Bush, muthaf--kas. F--- it."