... IRREVERENCE, INSTITUTIONALIZED ...

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Lite Gov Gets Serious?

We here at FITS honestly couldn't make up a press release as ridiculous as the one we think just came out of Lieutenant Governor Andre Bauer's office ... and believe us, we've tried.

Our eminently mature (or is that Eminem-ently mature) second-ranking state official (above, demonstrating said maturity), may have urged the United States government today to "focus on issues that matter" in a curious press release related to the Doha Round of WTO trade negotiations.

Yes, you read that last sentence right, or at least we think you did ... reporters and other politicos across South Carolina are still scratching their heads in bewilderment this afternoon, wondering if Andre's office is really attempting to weigh in substantively on U.S. trade policy, or if someone is just having a little fun at the Lite Gov's expense.

Whatever the case, it's a sad day for South Carolina when so many people are forced to wonder whether or not our state's second-ranking official is capable of putting out a press release demonstrating anything remotely resembling gravitas, irrespective of its newsworthiness or relevance to his positon.

But anyway, after getting busted doing 101 in a 70 mph zone, using a fake police "call-sign" to get out of a ticket, lying to reporters about the incident, trying to blame his lead foot on Gov. Mark Sanford (for not giving him a $65,000 chauffer/babysitter), returning a Constable's certificate he hadn't even earned in a pitiful attempt to show he's not "above the law," having to clean the bikini-clad coeds off of his MySpace account and walking 12 miles to file his campaign papers ... here is (we think) the latest press release from the Lieutenant Governor's office (and be sure to picture him waxing on about the difference between free and fair trade from behind the wheel of his go-kart):

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Mike Easterday
April 12, 2006
(803) 734-2080

New Study Raises Questions About Doha Round of Trade Negotiations - South Carolina Lt. Governor Urges U.S. Government to Focus on Issues That Matter

(COLUMBIA, S.C.) - Agricultural exports are essential to South Carolina’s farmers, and Lt. Governor Andre Bauer has consistently advocated free but fair trade. As a strong supporter of these principles, Lt. Governor Bauer urges the consideration of a recent paper written by Peter Morici, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Maryland--College Park.

The study, “The DOHA ROUND: No Help for America’s Trade Deficit?” concludes that, while a successful conclusion of the negotiations will provide modest benefits to American farmers, the Round is not addressing the practices, such as China’s manipulation of its currency, that are primarily responsible for the massive U.S. trade deficit, which reached $724 billion in 2005.

“This study raises very interesting questions and concerns,” said the Lt. Governor. “For example, the United States must still address some large issues with the WTO which may lead to greater exports of American and South Carolina-grown agricultural products."

Prof. Morici’s study explains that the negotiations are not addressing the most important barriers to U.S. exports, including China’s manipulation of its currency. The Lt. Governor also stated, “While I support the efforts of the current administration, the United States must continue to demand not only free trade but also fair trade. Until then, families in South Carolina and across the country will continue to bear the burden of our crushing trade deficit.”

###

Hmmm. A little dry. Perhaps this addition would have helped:

"Vrrrrooooom. Vrrrrroooooooom. Fair trade or bust, slowpoke!" concluded the Lt. Governor Bauer.

21 Comments:

Anonymous reality check said...

I hope everyone will now recognize Will Folks for exactly what he is, someone who pretends he lives for ideas but then attacks other people when they offer ideas he does not agree with. Andre has taken a brave stand on an important issue for all South Carolinians and I applaud him for it. Unlike you, Will, Andre understands what it means to serve other people and put their needs ahead of their own selfish political ambitions.

You would not understand that, would you, Will? Between man whoring around with twenty something year olds like Rebecca Dulina or that slutty looking waitress you are banging at the Public House you must be too busy. Or mabe you are too busy beating your "girlfriends" up when they disagree with your "ideas."

There is no "Stiletto Mafia" Will. There is just you. A pathetic loser who has no friends left and who has to try and seduce young and niave girls with tall tales from when you thought you were important.

Some of us were stupid and fell for it but the only kind of woman who will ever love you is one that is too stupid to see you for who you really are.

5:00 PM

 
Blogger Earl Capps said...

What's so illegal about "bikini-clad coeds", Will? Don't you enjoy looking at some of them too? I know I sure do.

Ohmygod - it's a pervert blogger on the loose. Stop the presses, call Lee Bandy, the vice-squad, and highway patrol!

Even worse - I've gotten two warnings for speeding as well. Must've had some connections. Well, my father is an investigator for City of Charleston PD. Accuse him of pulling strings, go ahead. Everyone else is accused of cutting deals and calling in favors, why not me too?

I've got a MySpace site, so does Mikey's campaign manager. You know there is nothing to this MySpace issue, so stop trying to deceieve people and convince everyone your candidates are saints. None of them are. Not Mike, Andre, Greg, Quinn, or any of them.

It would behoove ya'll to stop calling the kettle black before, like the kettle, your bottoms get roasted.

Find some issues and run on them. We've got a million and one REAL problems in this state, and I'd much rather see a more substantive debate about how we're going to address them than some of the trival back-biting, personal attacks, and sniveling that is taking place, especially in the blogosphere.

6:39 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sic willie what the hell did you do to that one?

8:51 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where is the Public House and when's the best time to go?

9:18 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The waitresses at the Public (sic) House are all hotties and are very nice and pleasant. They are not "slutty looking" and they deserve big tips when they deliver your chicken wings and beer.

12:37 AM

 
Anonymous A Friend a.k.a. Mongoose said...

Reality Check,

For the record, Will did not whore around with Rebecca. Her last name is Dulin- not Dulina. As for what he is doing with his personal life now... who knows and who really cares. Rebecca is a friend of Ashley's and I know for a fact that that isnt true. A lot of the things you say on here are true- but that is not.

While most people (including me) agree with what you have to say about Will- and you certainly have every right to say whatever you want- would you please stop making comments about him beating up his girlfriends? It just isnt something that needs to be brought up over and over. What happened was awful and it really isnt fair for people to discuss something so serious on Will's silly blog.

It is really sad some of the comments made on this blog- by it's administrator and by it's readers. From here on out, let's leave comments about Ashley Smith, Rebecca Dulin, being thrown into furniture or about Will beating people up for another forum. It is totally inappropriate and totally unfair.

9:03 AM

 
Anonymous reality check said...

Dear "Friend,"

Do you really know who your friends are? And if so why was Will seen last night at a prominent local bar - not the Public House with another one of his former conquests who is also supposed to be one of your "friends?"

Could it be that you are still sleeping with Will yourself and do not want any one to find out about it?

Thanks a lot "friend."

1:46 PM

 
Blogger Frank said...

Wow, glad I dropped my subscription to The Enquirer. Faith In The South is a much better read--the anonymous gossip, the personal attacks are a must read.

Heck, Will, you should make folks pay for their weekly dose of FITS. You'd make more money than you ever could at ViewPolitik.

2:02 PM

 
Anonymous A Friend a.k.a. Mongoose said...

Dear Reality Check,

Who really cares who Will was seen with? And who really cares who he is sleeping with? We should just both be glad that it isn't either of us.

I was trying to say that we should all stop commenting about Will's anger issues and who he sleeps with. Will is old news, so who really cares? He is like a small child- if you just ignore him, maybe he will stop acting out.

Sorry you took offense to my comments, RC... Wasn't meant to be offensive.

3:33 PM

 
Anonymous reality check said...

Dear "Friend,"

We can talk about this later tonight if you want. I will be at Liberty around 8:00 or so if you want to meet me for cocktails.

I agree with you about Will Folks and you are right that we should be glad it is not us that he is sleeping with anymore. There is just hardly any one out there who really understands what he is doing to us because he is so good at manipulating people and making us feel bad when it is him who is in the wrong so clearly.

Yes I probably should not have brought up his violence or any of your names but it is important to me that women everywhere KNOW WHO WILL FOLKS REALLY IS! But I am sorry too if I upset you in how I chose to do that.

I told Will thousands of times that he brought his work home with him in the worst possible way because he would be the press secretary instead of being a boyfriend. He would never talk realistically it was always him explaining why he had done nothing wrong and what happened was all my fault. He has not changed and he never will.

You are also right though and we should stop talking about him because as you know that is EXACTLY what he wants. I seriously think that I will also stop visiting or at least stop commenting on this shameful website in the future so that I do not contribute any further to Will Folks being taken so seriously.

Maybe I will see you tonight but if not I am sorry.

4:01 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Will you are my hero. Good Lord are these women totally obsessed with you.

4:38 PM

 
Anonymous A Friend a.k.a. Mongoose said...

Dear RC,

If we go to Liberty tonight, how would I know who you were?

4:46 PM

 
Anonymous reality check said...

We know each other and I will also be there with a friend who knows you.

5:15 PM

 
Blogger Earl Capps said...

reality check - i appreciate your concerns, but i learned a long time ago that if one is a jerk with the ladies, it usually becomes apparent well before any harm can be done.

if that's what he is, let him be his own judge, jury and executioner. besides, talk really is cheap, but actions speak louder than words.

8:44 PM

 
Anonymous at liberty at 8 last night said...

Earl,

Reality Check is Will Folks. Seriously.

4:42 PM

 
Anonymous reality check said...

Rebecca how could you say that? I was at Liberty last night at exactly 8 o'clock. Where were you?

5:02 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fact that Will Folks and Rebecca Dulin were sleeping together is by far the worst kept secret in Columbia.

5:21 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn, did I miss a cat fight at Liberty?

10:06 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

or a dyke fight

11:27 AM

 
Blogger Earl Capps said...

at liberty - are you trying to suggest will has two personalities?

4:40 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Earl-

We think she's trying to suggest that she's sexually confused and looking for a scapegoat.

-FITS

1:14 AM

 

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