... IRREVERENCE, INSTITUTIONALIZED ...

Friday, May 05, 2006

Dildo Baggins and Other New Nicknames

In the history of South Carolina politics, there has probably never been a bill guaranteed to bring out the female vote quite like the proposal offered by Rep. Ralph Davenport (left) to ban sex toys in our state.

Specifically, H. 4830 would make it illegal to possess any product "designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs" and encompasses "vaginal, anal, or oral intercourse, whether actual or simulated, normal or perverted, whether between human beings, animals, or a combination thereof."

Momentarily discounting the months of therapy owed to whoever drew the short straw and had to actually write this crap up for the Legislative Council's office, does Rep. Davenport really comprehend the stickiness of the wicket in which he's getting himself entangled?

That's right, we're talking about batteries. It's all about the batteries, baby. Duracell, Rayovac and that Energizer, um, rabbit. We're talking about a big market here.

Anyway, for his tireless efforts to deprive us women of the one good part of our day, we hereby christen Rep. Davenport with his new FITS State House Nickname, Rep. Dildo Baggins.

IT'S FUN TO STAY AT THE .... S.C. SENATE?

Yes, some form of watered-down tax swap finally passed the State Senate yesterday, another tinkering around the edges of an outdated system that's about as competitive as this year's Kansas City Royals baseball team.

But anyway, for their tireless efforts to promote the feeding of the populist beast that is "property tax relief," we at FITS hereby christen State Senators Chip "Brokeback Fishing Trip" Campsen, Larry "Broom" Grooms, Greg "Ry-borg" Ryberg, Jakie "Pizza the Hut" Knotts and Vincent "The Godnephew" Sheheen with our first ever group nickname: "The Millage People."

3 Comments:

Blogger Michelle said...

Wow. Thanks for posting that pic. Who needs sex toys when you can look at him!?

7:56 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great nickname. You're right it is all about the batteries and oh yeah the rabbit as well.

12:59 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Michelle-

Love the comic ... thanks for paying us "dark and moody chicks" a visit!

-FITS

6:38 PM

 

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