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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Drummond, Davis to Perform at Sine Die Party

In the wake of controversial anti-Sanford performances at previous events, FITS has learned that this year's Lobbyist Sine Die Party will feature musical entertainment from two top Sanford confidents, former Communications Director D. (J.) Christopher Drummond (left) and current Co-Chief of Staff Tom "Ice Cold" Davis, a.k.a. The Man Behind the Curtain.

DJ Drummond, who resigned from the Governor's Office in late 2005 for the stated purpose of expanding his rare Air Supply and Peter Cetera LP collection, is the undisputed Easy Listening King of South Carolina.

"Obviously I'll be bringing some Chicago, some Early Patsy Cline, a little Sergio Mendes and Brasil '66 and of course the soundtrack from Officer and a Gentleman," Drummond told FITS. "But there will be lots of surprises, too, like which song I'm going to play from the Top Gun soundtrack. Here's a hint - the band that sings it is also a European capital."

"Man this is some bulls---," said Forge Consulting lobbyist Michael Gunn. "Bo, nobody wants to listen to frickin' Air Supply."

Balancing out Drummond's adult contemporary repertoire will be the straight-up ghetto fabulous dope rhymes of Tom Davis, who is slated to perform his by now infamous karaoke renditions of Outkast's "Roses" and "Hey Ya." In fact, extra security will be required at the Back Porch when Davis sings Hey Ya's signature "Shake it Like a Pola-roid Picture" line, as teeming masses of highly-aroused women have been known to lurch uncontrollably toward the stage.

Event planner and polka dot hottie Sara Hopper says the new musical lineup won't mean the phase-out of time-honored favorites.

"Ted Riley will still be getting positively hammered and moonwalking to Michael Jackson's Billie Jean again this year," Hopper assured FITS. "And Larry Marchant will absolutely be dry-humping the bar to Aerosmith's Love in an Elevator."

Hopper also said DOT employee Michael "Covey" Covington will receive a Lifetime Achievement Award, provided Will Folks doesn't leak it to the press first.

"Man, Covey and I have been cool," Folks assured FITS. "Yo, respects. Dude made me famous with 'Pigs in the State House,' I can't dis the Cuv."

5 Comments:

Anonymous Daniel said...

"Turn around..."

11:24 AM

 
Anonymous Jenny said...

I can't wait for Drummond pull out his autographed Best of Bread LP. Keep 'em rockin!!

12:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

drummond likes spice girls, n'sync and new kids too, I bet.

1:03 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The lobbyist party will never be the same after Will Folks called the media and told them about it.

Thanks a lot jerk off.

1:04 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haven't gotten the official invite in the mail yet. Have they already sent that out?

2:19 PM

 

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