And the Winner Is ... Alberto!
Talk about a late entry into the 2006 gubernatorial race.
His name is Alberto, he's from the Carribean and he's currently packing 50 MPH winds as he churns Northeast to rain on South Carolina's primary day parade.
Using Heather S.'s one year of Spanish to communicate with the verile Latin Lothario, FITS sat down for an exclusive interview with this first named storm of the 2006 Hurricane Season.
FITS: So Alberto, what made you want to come to South Carolina?
Alberto: Chicks, baby. There are hot chicks all over this state.
FITS: So you're not political?
Alberto: Political? No baby.
FITS: But how do you explain the huge impact you're having on today's primary elections?
Alberto: You say I'm huge (laughs)? Hey, what can I say, baby. Size matters. Just ask J.W. Ragley.
FITS: So what's your current pressure? Where exactly are you right now?
Alberto: Just did Florida. Doing Georgia right now. Doing you later if I'm lucky. My pressure? I don't know, baby. Wanna check it? You can touch me, baby. It's OK.
FITS: That's quite alright, Alberto. But tell us, seriously, why get involved in South Carolina politics?
Alberto: Chicks dig people they see on TV, baby. And politicians are on TV (laughs) ... just not as much as me today. Check me, baby. Check me. You sure you don't wanna know my pressure?
FITS: Alberto, please. But what's your objective?
Alberto: Objective? I got a lot of moisture to unload, baby. That's all I'm doing. Unloading my manly moisture on all these beautiful Carolina girls. (Begins singing) "Car-o-lina Geerls. Best in Dee World."
FITS: OK, that's more than enough Alberto. Focus with me here. So how long are you going to stay involved in the South Carolina political scene?
Alberto: You kidding me? I'm gonna do what I gotta do tonight and I'm rollin'. Take care of my business and I'm out the door. I'm not looking for no relationship.
FITS: But what about Florida? Georgia?
Alberto: Hey, what can I say, baby. They are beautiful girls. And they were good for me.
FITS: Don't you worry about being a poor role model for younger people?
Alberto: Like Ernesto?
Alberto: Yeah, Ernesto, baby. You'll be meeting him later this summer. Fifth named storm of the season. No, baby I don't worry. He'll know how to stroke it like his daddy ...
Alberto: Sure you don't wanna check my pressure baby? Come on and say hello to my little friend.