Tuesday, June 13, 2006

And the Winner Is ... Alberto!

Talk about a late entry into the 2006 gubernatorial race.

His name is Alberto, he's from the Carribean and he's currently packing 50 MPH winds as he churns Northeast to rain on South Carolina's primary day parade.

Using Heather S.'s one year of Spanish to communicate with the verile Latin Lothario, FITS sat down for an exclusive interview with this first named storm of the 2006 Hurricane Season.

FITS: So Alberto, what made you want to come to South Carolina?

Alberto: Chicks, baby. There are hot chicks all over this state.

FITS: So you're not political?

Alberto: Political? No baby.

FITS: But how do you explain the huge impact you're having on today's primary elections?

Alberto: You say I'm huge (laughs)? Hey, what can I say, baby. Size matters. Just ask J.W. Ragley.

FITS: So what's your current pressure? Where exactly are you right now?

Alberto: Just did Florida. Doing Georgia right now. Doing you later if I'm lucky. My pressure? I don't know, baby. Wanna check it? You can touch me, baby. It's OK.

FITS: That's quite alright, Alberto. But tell us, seriously, why get involved in South Carolina politics?

Alberto: Chicks dig people they see on TV, baby. And politicians are on TV (laughs) ... just not as much as me today. Check me, baby. Check me. You sure you don't wanna know my pressure?

FITS: Alberto, please. But what's your objective?

Alberto: Objective? I got a lot of moisture to unload, baby. That's all I'm doing. Unloading my manly moisture on all these beautiful Carolina girls. (Begins singing) "Car-o-lina Geerls. Best in Dee World."

FITS: OK, that's more than enough Alberto. Focus with me here. So how long are you going to stay involved in the South Carolina political scene?

Alberto: You kidding me? I'm gonna do what I gotta do tonight and I'm rollin'. Take care of my business and I'm out the door. I'm not looking for no relationship.

FITS: But what about Florida? Georgia?

Alberto: Hey, what can I say, baby. They are beautiful girls. And they were good for me.

FITS: Don't you worry about being a poor role model for younger people?

Alberto: Like Ernesto?

FITS: Ernesto?

Alberto: Yeah, Ernesto, baby. You'll be meeting him later this summer. Fifth named storm of the season. No, baby I don't worry. He'll know how to stroke it like his daddy ...

FITS: Alberto!

Alberto: Sure you don't wanna check my pressure baby? Come on and say hello to my little friend.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's one horny hurricane!!!!!!

3:20 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is just Will Folks interviewing Will Folks again. When Will Folks realizes that the only person interviewing him is himself all of our lives will be better off.

4:44 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

As of 12:30 according to 39 counties reporting on the SC Election Commission Website - Oscar only carried two counties. His home base of Newberry and Lexington (by only about a thousand votes). We know why he carried Newberry and the Gov. ran into some issues in Lex. for the hospital thing and the Jake Knotts/Rod Shealy factor. Even if Oscar endorses Tommy Moore there's no way a GOP stronghold like Lex. Co. is going to carry a Dem. This 35% really means nothing for the Gov. You also have to factor in that the Gov's office was without a true message maker like Will Folks for several months and that hurt him I think. And you have to remember that come November, nobody's going to remember the 35% just like no one remembers the score of the Super Bowl or the USC/Clemson game. In the end, Oscar lost and so did the people who want to put an end to the powers of the executive branch of government in SC. Once Nikki Haley and Kenny Bingham pull votes for Sanford he'll be right back where he belongs - keeping government out of our business. He's just like punk rock versus disco.

11:58 PM

Blogger faithinsound said...


We love you and all, but there is no way to spin this as anything other than HUGE trouble for the governor. See our upcoming post.


11:45 AM

Anonymous Daniel said...

"And you have to remember that come November, nobody's going to remember the 35% just like no one remembers the score of the Super Bowl or the USC/Clemson game."

Are you kidding me? 63-17 has significance to half the people in this state.

This is not good news. 159,670 voters voted for Sanford. 223,329 voted for someone else. Obviously, a lot of those Oscar voters aren't likely to stray over to the D side come November, and the demographics in the general will be a lot different, but Sanford's going to have to put a lot more effort into this that he wanted.

12:02 PM

Anonymous abc said...

I no longer need porn. I've got FITS!

11:37 AM


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