Jakie Sigs ... Smoke 'Em If Ya Got 'Em
It's all about the signatures, baby.
John Hancocks, that is ...
Please tell us though, because if this blog starts resembling the Green Acres theme song, you must forgive us ... we honestly weren't sure for awhile there whether Boss Hogg was serious about running for governor or not ...
Turns out he wasn't.
Serious, that is.
Jakie's (a.k.a. Oscar's) Army claims to have collected more than 13,000 signatures - or plenty enough to put the Earl of Hazzard on the goobernatorial ballot come November - but according to the Shealy-ites, that "amount" wasn't quite an "elegant sufficiency."
Any more, it turns out, would have been a "superfluity" (God bless you, Fred Chappell) ... but to hear Rod Shealy tell it those words (a.k.a. numbers) rang even truer when cold hard cash in the amount of $2 million was concerned.
Dollars, that is.
Now, how that fundamental political reality is any "diff'rent" (Lexington-speak) from the fundamental political reality which existed two weeks ago - i.e. before this fat man's Miguel de Cervantes' imitation commenced - well, that's anybody's guess.
Of course, if you can answer that question correctly, you probably know how much it costs to rent out the Boar's Nest (a.k.a. Kermit LaForce's Strip Club) for a Tommy Moore victory party.
Anyway, if you happen to be one of the twelve people who'll read the soon-to-be-released (a.k.a. non-daily) Lexington Chronicle, you'll hear from Jakie's own lips that the gubnah's campaign (a.k.a. "Miller Time") hired somebody to make a list and check it twice ...
Of Jakie's sigs, that is.
Apparently, the ratio of legitimate signatures to actual registered voters - at least according to the girl Sic Willie slept with at the State Election Commission Saturday night - wasn't looking so hot.
But, then again, neither was she (Ba-doom-ching).
So was Jakie serious?
Or not serious enough?
Honestly, we think the whole charade was typical S.C. politics.
An overbearing fat ass got his name in the paper for two weeks. Jeffrey Sewell wrote a nice oped and banked a little coin for the SC Hotline. Team Sanford got to do its best impersonation of "not commenting" and the rest of us .... well, the rest of us just got jerked around.
Or Jakied around, that is.