McConnell, Confederate "Hunleymobile" Storm NGA
South Carolina Senator Glenn F. McConnell and a regiment of Confederate re-enactors took control of the annual National Governor's Association meeting this morning, storming the Charleston Place Hotel with American-made Springfield rifles and a life-sized "Hunleymobile" tank equipped with its own detonating spear.
"The War of Northern Aggression is avenged, the South has risen again," a jubilant McConnell proclaimed after siezing control of the meeting and imprisoning governors from states North of the Mason-Dixon line. "Our oppressors have been delivered unto us by the grace of Almighty God, and they shall receive no quarter from the Sons of the New Confederacy."
Also imprisoned in the surprise raid was South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, whom McConnell proceeded to stip of all his Constitutional authority - which in and of itself was not entirely newsworthy as he's been doing it for the past three-and-a-half years.
McConnell's Hunleymobile slammed into the Charleston Place lobby at approximately 10:15 a.m. this morning, moments after witnesses observed the Senator, in full Confederate dress regalia and waving a sabre, shout "Ramming Speed! Go!!"
"As soon as the command was given, he dropped his arm, pointed his sabre toward the door and in they went," one witness told FITS.
Seconds later an explosion rocked the building, enabling McConnell's gray-clad warriers to pour through the breach and take control of the meeting.
Chris Drummond, former Sanford communications director and lead spokesman for the NGA host committee, called McConnell's assault "barbaric and shameful," but added that McConnell "was nonetheless, still a very attractive man."
McConnell, who declared himself Emperor of the South, said a fleet of Hunleymobiles was being assembled to move on Washington, D.C. "come the Spring thaw."
"As Sherman rendered Carolina, so my Hunleymobiles will render the whole Yankee nation."
After assuming the role of emperor, McConnell also issued orders making "Dixie" the national anthem, grits the national food, shag the national dance and also suspended habeas corpus and eliminated the sales tax on black hair dye.