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Thursday, August 03, 2006

Top Ten Reasons Will Folks is an Idiot

We thought it was pretty funny today when an anonymous commenter accused FITS of censoring your posts on our blog.

We mean, like, really, as if.

If anything, we pride ourselves on being the one blog in South Carolina politics that lets it all hang out - and lets you do the same. Good, bad, ugly, pretty, smart, stupid, perverted, scandalous or just plain funny, people have brains and we trust them to use those brains to figure things out for themselves.

But in keeping with our desire to provoke you just a little bit every once in awhile, Heather S. has done some research that is sure to spark more than its fair share of comments regarding the the number one "most slammed man" in the entire SC blogosphere - our very own Sic Willie.

So, without further adieu, here are the "Top Ten Reasons Will Folks is an Idiot," as compiled by our very own Heather S.:

10. Thought “Kendall Jackson” was a folk singer. It’s actually a brand of wine.

9. Thought the name of Elton John's hit song was “Private Dancer” and that Tina Turner’s hit song was called “Tiny Dancer" (it's actually the other way around). Still pompously maintains that he is right and the CD burned for him featuring both songs is a forgery.

8. Did not learn of the existence of the female urethra until age 29. Most kids pick up this little anatomical tidbit in grammar school.

7. Thought a U.S. President could serve two terms, sit out for four years, and then run again. In fact, actually wrote 250 pages of a political novel with this dynamic as its premise before someone showed him a copy of the 22nd Amendment.

6. Couldn’t tell Santee Cooper lobbyist Geoff Penland and DOE lobbyist Pierce McNair apart for the better part of two years. Still calls them by the wrong names everyonce in awhile, but then again so does everybody.

5. Remains convinced that Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts will one day win the Super Bowl and that his beloved Gamecock football team will win a national championship.

4. Cannot compute simple percentages (or any other fourth grade math, for that matter), even with the help of a calculator.

3. Knows absolutely nothing about computers. In fact, urban legend is that his infamous blog, FaithInTheSound, was created completely by accident while he was trying unsuccessfully to post a comment on another blog.

2. Once burned himself attempting to light a fart.

1. Subconsciously believes that he is a canine. In fact, has been tape recorded barking, growling and whimpering in his sleep. And you thought him thinking he was five women was crazy!

Enjoy, and we look forward to reading your responses ...

17 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You also thought the lyrics to 50 Cent's song that says "All up in the Club" was "All up in the TUB." Way to go "Bur!"

4:30 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

number one should be that will thinks he can plead guilty and then tell everybody he didn't do it

4:31 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

didn't know about the pee hole? are you kidding me?

6:57 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Colts certainly will NEVER win a Super Bowl with Peyton Manning, however the Gamecocks WILL someday win a national championship in something other than women's track, women's horseback riding or mascot games (and I'm hoping it happens in football before tennis or swimming). Also, Will thinks his darts game is "big-league" when we all know it's a step below Dixie Youth. Plus, he swears Lance Bass is not gay and that David Hassellhoff does indeed have talent. But, he does get to hang around uber-hottie Heather S. so he can't be that much of an idiot.

7:03 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Dear Anonymous (Burch Antley),

Peyton Manning will win a Super Bowl, jerk.

And Will's darts game owned yours for, what was it? Three months in a row?

-FITS

7:18 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

# 11 - No one else was talking about Will Folks this week so he had to talk about himself.

7:19 PM

 
Anonymous truth squad said...

Missed: 10- CDV. 9 -Writing oped on CDV. 8- Wearing CAT hat in CDV interview. 7- Starting this blog. 6- Pretending to have clients. 5- Getting paid illegally unfer the table. 4- Being an abusive alcoholic. 3- Banging everything that moves. 2- Thinking Pataki is electable in SC 1- Breathing.

7:28 PM

 
Anonymous a real friend said...

Will-

Very entertaining list. You can laugh at yourself and that is a very attractive quality in a man. Your weblog is great, you are a great writer and please keep both the laughs and insights coming.

Love,

ARF

7:40 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

regarding burning himself, being drunk or stupid enough to make that bet with Paul Adams, though not letting Paul hold the match might obviate that.

8:35 PM

 
Blogger bitingblondewit said...

You may want to look up urethra just to be sure you have it right.

Peyton Manning will never have a Super Bowl ring, unless (1) He buys it off E-bay or (2) Tom Brady runs out of fingers, takes pity on him, and shares one of his.

Bless your heart! You're lucky you're cute...that probably makes up for a lot.

Did I mention that Peyton is a big girl and will never win a Super Bowl? "Just throw the ball, Nancy!"

8:38 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Dearest Readers,

Apparently we may have found someone that you all detest more than Will Folks - his idol Peyton Manning.

It truly is amazing how quickly 33,189 passing yards, 244 touchdown passes and a career 93.5 quarterback rating are forgotten, not to mention the fact that he hasn't missed a start in seven seasons and is still only halfway through his career - plenty of time to snag a ring.

And Blondewit, it's one thing to call Peyton a girl. We can take that. But you Brady'd us on top of that, which is unpardonable.

-FITS

9:29 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ottawa rules. Heather S. remains uber-hot.

9:36 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon (J.W. Ragley or Scott Malyereck) Pataki is electable and J.W. I heard that you weren't eractable, well at least more than 10 centimeters that is. No wonder you're working for the "small" business lobby these days.

9:41 PM

 
Blogger Laurin Manning said...

I just can't wait to see how long it takes SC Hotline to headline a story about Will Folks' burning his rear with a lighter!

Bets, anyone?

And for what it's worth, those who are not being nice to Peyton Manning are messin' with his cuzzin' too.

1:01 AM

 
Blogger bitingblondewit said...

FITS, I had to go "Brady" on you...always go with a sure winner. If Nancy...I mean Peyton can't close the deal post-season, then his numbers don't really matter a whole lot do they?

8:50 AM

 
Anonymous west_rhino said...

bitingblondewit, we're not looking up any urethra without a cystoscoppe(sic)...

11:54 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what would Will Folks think about City Paper's dirt on City Hall?

www.columbiacitypaper.com

3:15 PM

 

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