Grady Issues Additional Debate Demands
State Treasurer Grady Patterson today released a list of additional demands which must be met before the 83-year old agrees to debate Republican nominee Thomas Ravenel:
-Ravenel must pledge to serve 36 of the next 40 years as State Treasurer.
-Ravenel must jump down, turn around and pick a bale of cotton.
-Ravenel must promise to carry a cane to debate. Editor's note: This may not be so so far-fetched from a guy who once said "that's how I roll." Possible Huggy Bear suit and Derby lid, too.
-Ravenel must submit to Patterson an essay on his fondest Lawrence Welk memory.
-Ravenel must pledge to rename the Arthur Ravenel, Jr., bridge in Charleston after Patterson's imaginary friend, Frumpy.
-Ravenel must hit the deck and give Patterson fifty pushups.
-Ravenel must disavow his belief in silly things like the free market economy, tax cuts, spending limitations and government restructuring and promise to continue running the state's finances into the ground.
-Ravenel must agree to not exceed Patterson's most recent three-year investment record of 77% below the national median return.
-Ravenel must promise to fall asleep at least five times during any televised debate and accidentally fart without knowing it.
-Ravenel must pledge to learn all the lyrics to the song "I Want to Be an Air Force Ranger" and sing it prior to answering any questions during televised debates.