... IRREVERENCE, INSTITUTIONALIZED ...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Look Out Al-Queda, Here Comes Grady Patterson


Nothing like the sight of a cantankerous 83-year old man to strike fear into the hearts of those who seek to harm America.

Grandpa Grady Patterson, who as it turns out was in New York City today to raise money for his campaign from vested special interest groups, nonetheless managed to send out a press release from his South Carolina office dated "Friday, September 21" (it's actually Thursday, Mr. Treasurer).

Aside from Mr. Patterson not knowing what day it is (no news there), what did the release actually say, you may ask?

Well, after four decades of fighting every attempt to modernize our state's investment strategy, all of a sudden (six weeks before the election, no less) it turns out Mr. Patterson has become the second candidate for Treasurer (T-Rav being the first) to support investing our state retirement money globally like they do in 47 of the other 49 states.

There's just one catch to Mr. Patterson's support - no investment will be permitted in companies or countries with ties to terrorist organizations.

Well, duh.

Never mind that just two percent of the world's GDP comes from Middle Eastern nations - the vast majority of which have no ties to terrorist organizations - or that Patterson has waited until the 11th hour of his 36th year in office to finally embrace the same investment strategies most states have been using since the 1960's.

No, the purpose of this release is simple (just like the circa 1970 photos we'll see later in his campaign ads) - Mr. Patterson wants to remind us that he hates terrorism and was once a military fighter pilot.

"When I served in the military as a fighter pilot, I swore an oath to protect and serve. As a member of the State Retirement Investment Commission, I pledge this same oath.” Patterson said in today's statement.

Gee, it was really tough to see that one coming, kind of like it's really tough to see one of those big concrete pylons in the State House parking garage coming (Grady wrecked three state vehicles before somebody finally wised up and took the keys from him a couple years back).

Look, we all owe Mr. Patterson a debt of gratitude for his wartime service, there's no doubt about that, but the sad fact is that he has about as much business running for Treasurer as he does reapplying for a learner's permit.

Whether behind the wheel of a $25,000 state-owned Crown Victoria or guiding the investment of $35 billion in state assets, Mr. Patterson's abilities simply can't be trusted any longer with your money.

11 Comments:

Blogger STR said...

FITS,
I'll have an audio interview with him posted on my site within the next week or two. We'll see then how mentally stable he still is or isnt.
Reese

2:59 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is Viewpolitik going to appear on T-Rav's disclosures next time or will you continue to be paid under the table, Will?

3:43 PM

 
Blogger faithinsound said...

Michael,

That "rocks." Just be sure to key the microphone a little lower for this one. You know how old people hate loud noises.

-FITS

4:11 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where was all this Republican criticism about age and infirmity when Strom Thurmond ran for re-election in 1990 at the age of 88 and again in 1996 at the age of 94?

4:37 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahahahahahahaha

7:07 PM

 
Blogger STR said...

FITS,
Don't you worry. The sounds, the questions, and everything will be doctored up in a way to make him sound like a young 40 year old. The picture that I post of Grady, rest assured all the wrinkles and etc. will be airbrushed out.

9:09 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Will Folks or Free Times? Could this be one way to gauge the accuracy of "blogs" or print news, be how FITS declared Patterson's age at 83 and the editor of the Free Times wrote the same week that he was 82? Maybe Patterson ha d abirthday this week? Maybe we'll play Manning's Look It Up Challenge instead. Get to the bottom of this.

11:23 PM

 
Anonymous abc said...

"Gee, it was really tough to see that one coming, kind of like it's really tough to see one of those big concrete pylons in the State House parking garage coming." FUNNY!

11:40 AM

 
Blogger sulster said...

"Anonymous said...

Where was all this Republican criticism about age and infirmity when Strom Thurmond ran for re-election in 1990 at the age of 88 and again in 1996 at the age of 94?

2:37 PM"

Grady isn't on powerful and key committees in the Senate based upon his seniority. Strom was.

4:12 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seniority does always
translate into national influence or clout. He did provide constituent service and jobs for S. Carolinians,but name me one instance in which Thurmond impacted naional policy or shaped the national debate in 48 years of service.(in fact name me one bill that bears his name) Now compare that with his successor's impact on national affairs in less than 4 years in office.

1:10 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad the wisdom of an older man is worth so much less than the inexperience of a young ignorant one. Why should age matter?

8:00 PM

 

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