Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Michigan Governor Flubs Vulcan Salute

Since the South Carolina governor's race is pretty much a snoozer, we figured we'd go North to lovely Michigan, home of the automobile, the "Big House," the Great Lakes and hottie Gov. Jennifer Granholm.

According to FITS' friend (and Washington Post reporter/blogger extraordinaire) Chris Cillizza, Granholm currently holds a "high single digit lead" over Republican businessman Dick DeVos.

After weathering a storm of negative ads trying to link her to Michigan's "South Carolina-esque" unemployment rate, Granholm appears to have momentum on her side as the race enters its final two weeks, and DeVos (though still well-funded) is running out of time to find an issue that resonates with Wolverine State swing voters.

Enter the "Trekkies."

FITS has learned that fans of the famous Star Trek television and film series are enraged with Granholm over her apparent inability to properly deliver a Vulcan Salute (see photo above).

"We're trying to live long and prosper up here and she can't even get a simple hand gesture right," said Phillip Seymour, an Ann Arbor resident and President of Trekkies for DeVos. "That's not leadership, gosh darnit, that's the Vulcan symbol for 'Bite Me' she's flashing in that picture."

Granholm aides were quick to downplay the gesture's significance in the race.

"The governor intended the gesture as a warning to any Romulans or Klingons who may have been watching," Granholm spokeswoman Heidi Watson told FITS. "Michiganians should know she's a Star Trek freak at heart, and often gives the Vulcan Salute on the campaign trail as a way of identifying with her fellow Trekkies."

Seymour dismissed Watson's assertion as "illogical" and challenged Granholm to prove her loyalty by properly giving the Salute at an upcoming Star Trek Convention in Detroit.

"Either she lacks the manual dexterity in her fingers or she's lying," Seymour said. "Either way, Trekkies should demand that Gov. Granholm come clean on this critical election issue."

Not since President George W. Bush flipped the bird into a camera while he was still Governor of Texas has a hand gesture by a politician been this scrutinized.

"Bush's finger malfunction did not cause lasting harm to his candidacy, but this is a knuckle of a different color because Trekkies are important swing voters in states like Michigan," said Dr. Rudolph U. Seerious, Director of the University of South Carolina's Center for the Interpretation of Hand Gesticulation in American Politics (CIHGAP). "If Trekkies believe Granholm is against them because of this incident, they may start 'beaming' new registered voters directly to their local polling places to vote against her."

Dr. Seerious said his office has yet to formally review the film of Granholm's flubbed salute, citing a barrage of incoming calls from in-state reporters about SCGOP Superintendent of Education nominee Karen Floyd's excessive hand movement in two recent debates.

"We will obviously review the Granholm tape in detail at some point but right now the frame-by-frame analysis of Karen Floyd's gratuitous gesticulation at the SCETV and WIS-TV debates is consuming all of our resources," Seerious said. "Perhaps some additional funding for higher ed in South Carolina could enable us to complete this vital research."


Anonymous west_rhino said...

Maybe the substansial single digit lead stems from the campaign accuastion that DeVos will require every Michigander to join Amway.

Of course, if you know the origins of the "Vulcan Salute" you know that it is Jewish and therefore offensive to Moslems and Muslims alike. On that basis, I have to ponder if she really meant to dis' the small Jewish vote in Michigan by satirizing the Kohanim sign of blessing. John Hagee and Jesse Duplantis can do it, so can a Michigan governor that bears responsibility for losing jobs and a shameful '06 Detroit Lions team. Only a Tigers win the the World Series mighrt salvage this race.

12:07 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Perhaps some additional funding for higher ed in South Carolina could enable us to complete this vital research."

Gee, Will. YOu can never resist taking a shot at South Carolina's Colleges and Universities can you?


12:45 PM

Blogger Rick said...

Okay, I got a snicker. :)

On a more serious note, some interesting points about religion coming out of the race--DeVos and his dominionist views, intelligent design (DeVos wanting ID in science classrooms, Granholm feeling that if anywhere, it belonged in philosophy or social sciences), and so forth.

3:24 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hottie???? Geeze, you need to get out more man.

8:22 AM

Anonymous Tim said...

Devos, Devos...that name rings a bell. Oh yeah, he's the voucher dude who tried to buy South Carolina before Howard Rich did.

8:40 AM


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