McConnell Announces Yellow Submarine Tour
State Sen. Glenn McConnell (Dixiecrat - Charleston) has announced an ambitious new GOTV (Get Out The Vote) campaign along the South Carolina coastline called the "Yellow Submarine Tour."
"Sanford can have his 'Fiscal Responsibility' tour, Moore can do his 'One South Carolina' thing all day long and Karen Floyd can 'Ride for Reform' for as long as she jolly well pleases," said McConnell spokesman John Hazzard. "Our tour is going to put the rest of them to shame."
The Yellow Submarine Tour, which consists of McConnell and the exhumed remains of the H.L. Hunley crew (a.k.a. Henry Brown) traveling South Carolina's 180 miles of shoreline in a yellow Hunley replica, sets off this afternoon from Charleston Harbor.
Political scientists immediately questioned the tour's prospects for success.
"First of all, McConnell's not even running again until 2008," said College of Charleston political scientist Bill Moore. "Second of all, it's late Fall - not mid-Summer - and there's not going to be a soul out on the beaches to see this thing. Third of all - Henry Brown?"
The State's "news columnist" John Monk also filed a Freedom of Information Act request to determine if any state funding was being used for the tour, and began goading longtime McConnell allies at Clemson University by informing them that the submarine was indeed yellow and not "Tiger Orange."
McConnell bristled at his critics, and replied by spontaneously bursting into a Tina Turner song as he and Brown's submarine floated beneath the Arthur Ravenel, Jr. Bridge.
"And I wonder if we - are ever gonna cha-a-a-a-nge. Living under the fear - till nothing else rema-a-a-a-a-ins," McConnell sang. "We don't need another hero. We don't need to know the way home. All we want is life beyond the Thunderdome."
Look for McConnell and Brown's "Yellow Submarine Tour" - coming soon to an empty beach near you.